Report no. 1
Introduction - who am I and why all of this?
I guess that this is my very first here - therefore I think it would be nice to tell a bit about myself...
Hi! I'm 23 years old, I recently abandoned my beloved, though mentally debilitating, career as a barista to study and work in HR.
Despite the infamy of the stereotypical HR worker being the cheerful lady that kindly informs you about recent restructuring in the department, I actually find my tasks useful, as they mainly revolve around people getting compensated for their work the way they should - usually through a fair bit of paper work and/or correspondence with the local social security bureau. Though some people might find this dull, knowing that things I do affect others in some way actually motivates me. It's kind of like being the janitor - doing the things that no one really wants to, but are crucial to making things run smoothly - I really enjoy that.
The other nice thing is finally having time and energy outside work. Shifts in hospitality are usually so draining that the only thing you want to do after, is to drag yourself to bed, right after having a cry in the shower. Now, I find myself wanting to do stuff after leaving the office - I finally came back to dancing after 3 year hiatus! It's really exhilarating, being able to meet people in my free time and plan activities in the evening, without the payoff in the form of 3 hours of sleep a day.
So I have a meaningful job, a hobby i pursue, people I love and are really grateful for, and the time to actually spend with them... and yet I find that there's something lacking. The moment i settled in my new position, I realized that (at least for now) there is no The Next Thing that I would strive for. I don't await anything important - things now just kind of start and then they kind of end... my personal goals are either achieved or are so out of scope of my current capabilities that I don't get to fulfil them in the next couple of years...
Having been used to seeing some goal right in front of me all the time, kind of messes with my sense of purpose - I need that Next Thing. I need to have an objective that is fully mine and not set up by an abstract third party like university or company policy. I need to feel growth.
I always kind of struggled with expressing myself - my words never really resembled the exact things I had in mind and always came out way more awkward then they should. My shyness and fear of conflict make things additionally worse as I often chose to stay silent when speaking my mind or poor choice of words may escalate the argument. It's really frustrating in the long run, as I really want to speak my mind aloud and expose my inner workings to friends and alike. As I age, the frustration in such situations grows stronger as I need to stand my ground more often - I've decided I need to change. I need a place where I could get comfortable with stating my thoughts and say what I feel, so I can learn to do It clearly and with more ease.
On this page, you'll find posts containing thoughts about things happening in my life as it goes by. My plan is to write posts that will contain my recent thoughts from few days / weeks (hopefully not months) which i will try to collect all in one sitting - i'd really like this to be more of a stream-of-conciousnes-style blog - I want it to be a kind of output for the things I'm not really able to articulate out loud at the moment but I might make a detour once in a while, as I'd also like to share cool stuff I find.
I really hope this wasn't too long of an introduction and that my plan will actually take a form I intend it to. Stay tuned to find out along with me!
